So today I am sharing with you from a completely different perspective than I had yesterday - because last night my eyes were opened.
If you recall, in my last post I quoted one of my favorite pastors saying: "Get your eyes off you."
You see....most of my life I have been concerned with what people think about me. Friends. Family. Acquaintances. Total Strangers. And God....definitely God. I have no idea where this huge sense of insecurity comes from (I could speculate, but in reality it probably stems from a bunch of different places), and although I am completely aware that it's there, it's still hard to shake.
If you know my story, you know that I am a ministry wife who just moved to a completely new state with two kids under two and a dog that thinks she's a human (she gets it honestly). Now... this creates a breeding ground for insecurity because every person I meet is having a first impression of me. And holy moly can that mess with someone who struggles with insecurity in most every aspect of their life.
But God is good. So good. And He knew that moving to a new place would be hard for me, so I believe he provided this phrase for me as a reminder: Get your eyes off you.
You see...too often I keep my eyes on myself. I am constantly evaluating myself, measuring my results; did I get the laundry done, is the floor swept, is the house dusted (well...ok, may not that one - I avoid dusting like the plague), judging how good of a mom I think I am based on my child's behavior at Walmart - oh yeah...it's that bad.
Here's the thing with that kind of behavior - it's exhausting. You see, we can think of our lives as mirrors - in the sense that they reflect whatever we are looking at. The more I look at me (focus on me, think about me, worry about me), the more I reflect a life of selfish living. And of course I never measure up. How could I? My standards of myself are way too high. The more I think about me, the more I worry. But when I get my eyes off of me and onto Jesus, what I reflect changes. I reflect grace and goodness. And that is easier to handle than anything.
So how did this all change last night? Well....we were blessed to be a part of a fundraiser for OrphaNetwork. And although I could have easily spent the entire night worrying about what people thought of me and if I was "fitting in", I didn't. And even better...I could have walked away from that very swanky party feeling disappointed with my lot in life, but I didn't. If anything, I walked away happier than ever that I am who I am and I have what I have. Contentment was bursting out of my heart. And I truly believe that the reason I am so full of joy today is because I tried desperately hard last night to keep my eyes off of me and keep them on Jesus.
So today I am praising God not only for my husband (as it is Fathers Day and he is one killer dad), but also for everything that He has lavishly blessed me with. Even the details. Especially the details.
In case you're interested, here are a few pics from the super swanky party that I spoke of earlier:
It was a fun time...and now I'm glad to be home snuggling my babies. Until next time!
Much Love,
Susan
